Ten things I learned in my first week

by Little Cherub ...

1. I like milk. Lots.

2. There really is milk on tap whenever I want it.

3. It is not necessary to scream hysterically if milk does not arrive within two seconds of deciding I want it. Pulling faces and a small grizzle is all that is required.

4. It is best to stop guzzling before milk starts to overflow out of my nose. (I am having trouble grasping this one.)

5. What goes in one end comes out the other. It is far more fun to wait until my nappy is off so that I can test parental reaction speeds as I aim various substances at them.

6. I have great hair! Everyone I meet tells me so.

7. Hair washing is an abomination that should not be inflicted on any self-respecting baby.

8. Every so often my body does this weird jerking thing and a loud noise comes out of my nose. I find this alarming. Mummy says not to worry, it is just a sneeze.

9. I love to be cuddled.

10. There just aren't enough hours in the day for everyone to cuddle me as much as they would like to.