Trombone Lesson

Should you ever be inspired to take up the trombone, you may find it helpful to know the following ...

1. Too much unaccustomed trombone practice may lead to the discovery of stomach muscles you didn't know you had. Painful stomach muscles.

2. You cannot be a trombone player and travel light. Paraphernalia accumulated so far: music stand, music folder, trombone stand, straight mute, rather battered cup mute ("needs a bit of TLC - just see if you can bash it into shape"). I now understand why trombone players need kitbags. Carrying that lot around should develop a few more muscles.

3. As a beginner try to avoid turning up at rehearsals if your first trombone partner doesn't. Playing second trombone without a first exposes every bum note. Beginner trombones play a lot of those.

4. Last but not least. Trombones have a life of their own. Remember to hold on to yours with both hands at all times. Do not be tempted to let go with one hand to make a grab at music falling off your stand. If you should be stupid enough to forget this your slide will shoot off the end and fly under the chair of the player in front. It will do this very loudly, just at the point where the rest of the band stops playing. The entire band will then fall off their chairs laughing.