Our little light went out

I had another ultrasound today. Our baby had not grown at all since last week and had no heartbeat. I did suspect that all was not well, so it didn't come as a shock, but how sad it is to see that little hope extinguished.

Goodbye, little one. I know you are safe and happy in the arms of God, but I am not going to get to hold you this side of heaven and my heart aches.

I am going to take a break from blogging until Advent, to give myself time to heal and to focus on the beautiful daughters God did allow me to meet. And how thankful I am for that.

I'm soooo sleepy ....

... I'm yawning as I type.

Sleeping when Little Cherub naps is a must, which means less blogging time. Still no nausea or sickness though, which is a luxury.

And the good news is that at an early ultrasound scan yesterday the sonographer saw what she was happy was a viable early pregnancy, with the tiniest of heartbeats at the very limits of what the scan could pick up. She thinks I may be a week out on dates, so I am having another scan next week to check everything is going as it should and to get a more accurate dating.

Thank you

Thank you for all the good wishes and prayers for my pregnancy. I'm glad to report that I'm fully recovered from the sickness and feeling amazingly good. For the first time ever at this stage I actually feel able to function pretty normally. I'm getting wonderful care from my family doctor and community midwife, who are determined to try to avoid a repeat of the various alarms and excursions we had with Little Cherub. My midwife - the same one who picked up that Cherub was in trouble at the end of my last pregnancy - visited today and was thrilled to see her cute as a button and so obviously fit and healthy.

There is a long way to go, but everyone is pulling together to give this baby the best possible chance. Beyond that, it is in God's hands and I am content with that. For now I am relaxing, enjoying being pregnant (imagine that! enjoying the first trimester!) and counting my blessings.

News and a little drama

Good news: Little Cherub is well on the way to recovery following her stomach flu.

Bad news: I now have the stomach flu.

Really, really good - but in the circumstances, slightly complicating - news: I am six weeks pregnant. Yes, that's right. At 47, with a round-the-clock nursing toddler. (Me to doctor: "What are the chances of that?" Doctor (grinning): "Very low!")

Add together early pregnancy, stomach flu and a recovering-from-stomach-flu toddler on an all day nursing binge, and what do you get? A midnight trip to A & E (Accident and Emergency) to be rehydrated with i/v fluids and given anti-nausea medication to make sure I can keep down fluids. Everyone needs a little drama in life now and again, but I prefer it when our dramas don't involve a trip to A & E .

Thankfully, I am feeling a lot better now. Limp, exhausted and still a little nauseous, but human again. Tevye - who is himself walking wounded with a much milder version of the bug - has taken over everything and sent me to bed for the weekend. Please pray for a quick recovery from the flu, for a healthy pregnancy, and that we will get to meet this little baby at the end of June. Thank you!